So who are all these women who wake up in the middle of the night and fall into the toilet? Some inconsiderate man has left the seat up and has inadvertently caused them to plummet their backend into the icy depths of the bowl. My whole life, since I could use a toilet, I have heard the horror stories of these people but have yet to actually meet one. I am not saying it it's not true. I understand that you are half asleep, things happen, it's just never personally happened to me.
Maybe it's just me but I am keenly aware of my ass placement at all times. I mean really, do you ever truly know what's going on back there if you are not looking? I am not lowering this ass onto anything if I don't know what's going on below me. God forbid I get to some park bench and lower myself onto someone's discarded, half eaten PB& J or arrive at the doctor's office and lower my backend onto some creepy guy's hand perched on the only available seat.
I am just saying, no matter how sleepy, don't you want to know what's under your end? Oh sure, hitting the water is bad enough, but how about hitting the closed lid? Lowering your ass and hitting a hard surface when you think there is going to be space there would be a real shocker too, right? I am guessing it's pretty hazardous. Maybe it's like when people break their leg when they think there is one last stair but there isn't one there. That's one call I don't want to make in the middle of the night to 911, "Help me, I broke my ass!" Odds are that one would make it to the nightly news and you'd never live it down.
Either way, if someone has ever had this experience, I wish they would share their story with me. Or maybe they shouldn't. If they did, I am positive that I would start to critique them and scold them about their obvious lack of ass awareness. That could get really annoying, and I am assuming that if you are a person who lowers your ass into the refreshing depths of a toilet bowl from time to time you are probably already annoyed enough.
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